Content

the surreal life

8.7.15
Whenever I look back at our days I tend to get a bit sentimental. I LOVE that I get to do what I really enjoy, and spend time with my kids too. 

I also look at how our photos capture a moment, while missing so many more blurbs of our days. After reading Kierna's post here, (in which she talks about how a picture only tells half the story), I got it. Boy did I get it!

The part that gets me the most is the idea that you are capturing a moment, therefore you can tell the true story of that moment. The truth is you never really do that. I have hinted about this a few times, most specifically here

I've been a bit exhausted lately. As parents we say it - almost trying to regurgitate the pressure of parenting. We think (sometimes) if we say it then we have done one part of the work - admitting that we are human.
For me, it's business and home. The long days, the moods and temperaments of each child - sometimes every child...all at once...

Some days I literally feel beaten down. And if that day extends into my evening and into the night, then I go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink-totally unprepared for the next morning. I don't pull out materials needed for activities, which leads to different dynamics in the mornings.  It's a pretty long road to that everything will fall into chaos if dirty dishes are left in the sink, and materials are not prepared, but I am always on my toes - keeping myself accountable so that I can start my mornings (at least the mornings) stress-free.

There's also a lot...A LOT of noise. Crying, shouting, screaming, pleading...phones ringing, cars outside, horns, knocking, rattling - everywhere.
It's funny, but sometimes it feels like someone is tap-dancing on my head.  I feel so sensitive to it lately. It almost aches right down to the bones...
I know that I need to get out of the house after the daycare is over. I need to just be away from home, but once again - exhausted.

So lately, I have been cutting back and cutting off. I am taking the summer months to figure out just how much is too much....and thinking about where my talents/skills are best used. I have left all volunteer commitments - every one. I am no longer assisting in Infant loss initiatives - it takes a toll emotionally - like huge pot holes on my own road to recovery - I can't do it anymore...at least not for a long while.
I am also reiterating who I am or  not...and why it matters.

I am not
...great with money. That's why I married a guy with an Accounting degree (I guess)
always patient (especially if I feel that my time is being wasted)
good at pretending
good at sitting down for long - I need to move
sensitive to excuses and ignorance
good at setting boundaries on my time
I am
a hands-on mom
a teacher
faithful
a pretty decent wife and home-maker
smart and inquisitive
efficient and creative
adventurous and energetic
an early riser who always gets the job done
sensitive and kind
an explorer
a jane of many trades...not all, but many
forgiving (maybe to a fault)

This is what I have to go with right now...not perfect, but it's the truth.

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“A hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much money I had in the bank…but the world may be a better place because I made a difference in the life of a child.”
~ Forest Witcraft

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