It has been really loud around here. As a mom of 5, I am used to loud. But now, as we bunker together, day and night, all around, to the left and right my household has fallen into a busy and vociferous routine, where everyone has a quarrel with another.
When it comes to communication, I want to listen, I really do. But sometimes the children know that they do not have my attention. That I am not actively listening to their complaints, or questions. Most days one of my children can be heard saying "...you're not even listening to me...". It's true. I own it. I am not listening.
A few years ago, I implemented an "Ask Before Whine Rule". It was around the time that we discovered, or at least it was confirmed that Autism lives here. At that time, I stopped taking advice from well-meaning, and not so well-meaning mamas. I simply didn't need another self-help book, or la di da anecdote.
It was an agreement found at the end of a long line of whining, crying, screaming and pleading. Pretty much the children realized that mama was more or less open to compromise - even if that word was not in their vocabulary. They realized through trial and error, I suppose, that if they asked for another 10 minutes of media time, rather than whining or throwing iPads across the floor when the timer went off, I would almost always say "yes"! So we ran with it and it has been a blessing.
There are days however, when I've got a million things in my head, or I don't feel well, and I just want to hide away. On those days, I am out of sorts, and if I could, I would avoid any and every human in sight. But, I can't. Because these little humans are mine, and as much as they annoy me most of the day, as the evening materializes, I look back at the silly, ridiculous, and sweet things that they did, and I grateful to be here.
There is something that has prompted me to write this post. Lately, I have been ignoring my children when they are rude, or as I interpret it - when they stress me out. Before you judge I want to say that this isn't technically because they are rude, it is because I NEED A MINUTE TO PROCESS. It seems I am at the point in my life where I need a full minute to figure out what's happening, and why it's happening, and then I need another ten minutes to figure out what to do about it.
I think we've got some information overload going on right now. I cannot imagine how the children all over the world are processing what is happening. Our new schedule...lifestyle...(fill in the blank) means a lot of housework for of us (mostly me of course). It means learning how to manage and doing it gracefully.
At the end of each school day - usually around 3 pm, I promise myself that I will do a little bit for myself, nothing extravagant, just the practical needs of most women. By 7 pm, as the children begin to wind down and get ready for bed, I think I still have time. Then I awake the next morning, often too early, but just late enough. Seems like a trick, a never ending cycle.
So, I want to listen, and I am working on it. Sometimes I forget that parents need to be vulnerable at times. One year ago, none of this was a reality. We are trying to find our way in this frightening maze of confusion, trying to keep our feet on the ground, steady, and strong, unwavering.
And so the story goes, we are stumbling around in the dark sometimes, and we don't always have the capacity to fully listen to the external, because firstly, we must turn inward and listen to our hearts, and find all the reasons why we get up every morning, and try to keep moving - no matter what.
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“A hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much money I had in the bank…but the world may be a better place because I made a difference in the life of a child.”
~ Forest Witcraft